HI BYE FLY :D

I'M STILL FEELING VERY VERY NM! until now, oh god. hah, 3 cheers to angelina and yunhan for talking in codes

you knw, life really brings abt great deals of ups and downs. for a moment we all thought life was jus perfect. we all thought that we're the luckiest bunch of ppl who've met a really great semi-god that have taught us so much abt life. and jus at this point in time, he has to let us knw that we were wrong. how silly we were.

it suddenly jus seems like we arent needed anymore. suddenly, all the blames are pushed to us. he jus isnt being fair. we've done so much, done all we can to help and to let him knw that we're capable. and we thought that he could sense it. if he jus had to let us knw that he hadnt appreciated any of this last friday, i'd rather not have appeared. i'd rather pretend that nth had happened and jus move on with life. but none of us can do it, because we were all thr to witness it on friday.

it's jus scary how things can change so quickly. and we still thought abt how lucky we were befor it all happened. we even gave and offered all that we could, only to find out that our hard work hasnt been appreciated.

everytime i look back on all the posts and msgs on how we've disappointed him, and how much we appreciate him for being here, i feel like the greatest fool.

and if you think that this is bad enough on a supposedly-lovely friday, i had to tackle sth else on a supposedly-lovely saturday as well. well, it's the 1st time that i've felt so let down by a friend. it's the 1st time i've experienced how it feels to be waaaaaaay down, esp after all that has happened on friday. it all jus comes crashing down and thr's nth i can do abt it.

i cant help it if he's decided to leave me at the lift landing alone to catch up with the girl of his dreams, when she alrdy has smone else to help her, while i'm jus standing stupidly befor the lift. i cant help it if he doesnt seem to give a fuck abt us anymore. and he probably doesnt even bother that i've decided to totally give up.

you might say that i'm unreasonable and i'm expecting too much, but you dontknw how it feels to watch your best friend slip off very, very slowly, jus like that. he's changed. i dont even think that he actually realised that i've disappeared somewhere because i've alrdy been long forgotten.

and i dont have the energy to fight with this feeling anymore. if i'm gna lose a friend that slowly and painfully, i'd rather lose him jus right at this point.

then thr's the mess i've created for prom comm. i dont feel like i deserve to be in it. and if i'm gna cause so much trouble for everyone, i'll quit. if she wants to join jus to make me quit, i will. at least i knw that i'll be doing her a favour by saving her energy jus to think of how to oppose me. i really dont have the energy to do anything even if she's gna oppose me. so why not jus let things go and forget all abt life. plus, if she has to act like she likes me and then talk bad abt me behind my back jus to get back into prom comm, gosh, i really really wna help her save her energy by quitting.

my life's in a total mess. disappointments after disappointments. it hurts... a lot.

i've nvr really felt this way. but now, these things jus makes me start thinking. what's the point of doing so much for these ppl when all i get in return is this?

give it up girl, your life's screwed, hoho