Thursday, December 16, 2010

This has been dragging on for way too long.

I.NEED.TO.MAKE.A.DECISION.

Zzz nice one Yip Sze Wan. I thought you just made a decision a few days back. And again a few days before the few days. And another a few days before the few days before the few days.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Lost all motivation to blog, hahaha. I need some help from the gods. We're going to baibai soon, mummy says I can go there to get divination lots. What a good idea

Monday, December 13, 2010

Never quite understood what people meant by "It's Complicated" or "In an Open Relationship". How complicated can complicated be? It's just a relationship. You're either together, or you're not. And how can anyone be in an open relationship? What does it mean by open anyway? But now I do. Now I understand fully. Cause I think I'm both

Saturday, December 11, 2010

"Too much happiness, too much pleasure. You get sick of it, and then you lose yourself"

Was watching Eat Pray Love on the plane just now, and I realised that there's so much in common between me and the female lead. It's very much, well... my movie. I think I'm losing myself

Monday, November 22, 2010

Fuck, oh fuck

Friday, November 19, 2010

Too much has happened the last week. I don't know what my relationship with Tuck Zai is now. We aren't exactly talking like how we used to, but I know we still feel something for each other. I feel so confused I don't really know what to do hahahaha. I've been trying so hard to sort me feelings out; to ask myself if Tuck Zai is The One. But I suppose the prospect of living my life the way I want as a 19 year old is too tempting. Then again, the grass is always greener on the other side.

I feel like shutting myself out from the world now. I think I've screwed up too badly this time round. What with melt and all. I can see that my relationship with Tuck Zai is no longer heading the direction that we've always wanted it to, but I'm not even trying to do anything about it. So is this where this ends?

Friday, October 22, 2010

Veron?? Omg I need to stop myself from thinking so much. Gotta remember Shimin's Tarot card readings...

Anyway today Tuck Zai seems quite down and I couldn't really do much to help. Makes me feel like a lousy girlfriend :( I hope tomorrow will be better for him!

Friday, October 15, 2010

2.30 am and I've got SN1101E mid terms tomorrow. Tired, but not exactly in the mood to sleep. Times like this make me wanna hide and cry myself to sleep. I know I've made a mistake and it has been haunting me, even at this very moment.

Once again, we're back on the same topic. But I don't know... I feel like Tuck Zai's hiding things from me too. The girl who offered him sex (or the secret he promised to keep), the things Jane talked to him about which he mentioned briefly but didn't wanna elaborate, the "friend" who told him that Earnest was from AJ...

Makes me sick to even think about how our relationship will fall apart eventually because of what I've done wrong, which made him wanna keep certain things to himself. I don't know how we're ever going to get through this.

But at times like this, I figured it'd be better to keep things to myself. Otherwise, we'll get into a heated debate again. And ultimately, I'll be the one trying to explain myself and "pushing the blame to him". I think I'm starting to learn how to get my emotions under control and not to let my feelings get the better of me. Doing good Sze Wan! Keep it up! I just hope that things won't snowball.

Oh, Tuck Zai thought that I was hiding something from him cause of the "common friend" who knew him and Earnest. That thought never even crossed my mind. Hahaha alright, I think this is getting a little too much for me to handle now. Gonna sleep it away

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

It's getting more and more tiring putting my thoughts into words. Sometimes I just feel like scribbling random notes instead of writing a nice long essay about how I feel. It's time for a diary, really.

In short, I just feel very... back-to-square-one now. Just when I thought our love was strong all over again. I suppose you can't really undo something you've done to hurt someone. And this will just come back to haunt you.

I tried

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

I gotta start keeping a diary. I've got too much kept inside

Monday, September 13, 2010

Hi! I've been hell shit crap crazily busy over bash/ D&D for the past month. And because of that I think I've neglected a few things, Tuck Zai being top of the list. I'm just glad everything's over now and everything's fine and I hadn't made any stupid mistakes.

Anyway, I've been having way too much supper the past few days. Gotta stop munching on my snacks too! I think I've got too much food in my room.

D&D outing soon :DDDD BBQ at east coast! Sounds good eh? But no pork no beef so we're left with chicken hahahaha. Yay I totally wanna join D&D comm next year!!

Alright, I gotta go batheeeeee. And start mugging woohooo. Hahahaha okidokie Tuck Zai I love you byebye

Thursday, September 02, 2010

I should have accepted the fact that we belong to different worlds right at the start


Goodnight, world.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Finally, a break from all these thinking and talking (about the same old thing over and over again). I think all the talks are the reason why I'm so afraid of starting a conversation, to the extent that I've wanted to stop talking to you altogether. I feel kinda lost now. But I know things will fall back into place eventually. I've got no regrets

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Well, some things don't appear as bad as they seem, but no matter what they'll still be like worms in apples. Then again, it's not like I've got control over anything (anymore) so I guess it'll be best to just swallow everything and accept the fact

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

HELLO ALL YOU PEASANTS OUT THEREEEEEEEEEE! Long time no see. Plus the ethernet in my room isn't working so zzz. I'm at Shimin's room now cause both our roommates decided to abandon us :( It's quite difficult to type using her laptop. A lot of typo errors. Quite annoying.

Anyway hall life has been good :D I just hope that things with Tuck Zai will get better. It's like when we're together everything's fine, but the moment I get back to hall things change. Then again, maybe because the past 2 weeks had been orientation so I was kinda busy. And you know how it's like when you're with your friends right. You'll just tend to leave everything aside 1st. I suppose things will change for the better now that school has started. I hope

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

"I would give my life away, if it could only be the same"

Friday, June 25, 2010

I'm one year older now, but it doesn't me feel better. The only good part about this was last night's celebration. Being one year older doesn't make my problems go away.

I'm just very certain about one thing now; I'm never ever gonna stay over at Tuck Zai's place ever again. Waking him up is the last thing I'd ever do. It feels like I'm waking a beast up and it totally spoils my day. I believe nobody likes to wake up and the 1st thing you get is bullshit from trying to wake your partner up.

Pissed. And the sparkle from last night's dinner is all gone

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Monday, June 14, 2010

I suppose that's it. The many times we've tried to hang on, make things right and make this last... Today's the day which i never thought would come.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Oooooooooops the Dean is back but Dyane's mum isn't. Let's hope she comes back soon.

The chair that I'm sitting on right now makes me wanna sleep. I haven't been sleeping "properly" for quite a while. Like I won't sleep till morning and will wakey only in the afternoon. I think that's why I'm always feeling tired.

Went prawning yesterday and we caught 10 pathetic shrimps in 2 hours zzz. Will be going again next Tuesday :D I still find it very amusing that Tuck Zai thought I left the receipt at my own home, hor Tuck Zai

Anyway, there's this fella shredding paper outside. It's really noisy. Don't quite understand why he/she cannot do it with the door closed.

Okay Dyane's mum's back! Tata!

Monday, June 07, 2010

Hi! I'm back and idling away. Feeling really sleept today. But I'm really excited about finding out if Rara's male or female. I know right, what a lousy owner. I simply assumed that Rara's a male cause I THOUGHT I saw a bald patch where his balls belong. But I caught Boo humping Rara last night and it's kinda surprising. Shall bring Rara to get his gender checked, hahaha.

Can't wait for tomorrow :D Really looking forward to spending more time with Tuck Zai. And I still haven't gotten over last night cause he came to surprise me (hahahaha so rare!!). The Killers, prawning and more tomorrow! Yay I can't wait.

Now I can't wait for dinner. Really hungry, zzz

Thursday, April 29, 2010

I finally quit my job! I'm free like a bird. But there were quite a lot of "problems" here and there. To cut long story short, I almost couldn't get myself out of Amore but now that I'm out, I feel like I've been freed.

Anyway, I'm feeling very cranky now. Restless. And my food's still halfway down my digestive system. If nobody keeps me entertained, I'm gonna explode. Like boomz.

So many things to post about. But I cannot be bothered.

Please visit chic-kybonbon.livejournal.com if you wanna get a polaroid. Thanks a million.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Hi! I'd like my boyfriend to hug me 24/7.

Anyway, I brought Boo home a few days back and he's happily living with Rara in the same cage now. It makes me smile when I look at them because they're both so special to me and they each represent something. And not to mention, they're total opposites. Not only physically, but their characters as well. So hello boyfriend, does that remind you of us?

I don't know what I'm talking about. Maybe because it's kinda late already. I need some self-entertainment. I've been blog-hopping and shopping and I'm getting bored. It's raining outside! Great time to start tucking myself into bed.

Friday, April 02, 2010

My blog is dead, hahahaha.

I hit my target last month!!! Which means I'll get quite a decent pay this month (finally) YAY! I'm on the phone with Tuck Zai now zzz so I can't post properly.

My mummy is back in Singapore! She'll be back home in another 30 min :D

Anyway, I wanna get another rabbit. I even thought of what I should name it. It looks like a Boo to me. Hehe so cute. I really wanna bring it home! But it's $180 :( I'm still considering! But the moment I saw it I told the fella to reserve it for me hahaha.

Okay I'm gonna talk on the phone now

Saturday, March 06, 2010

Okay quick one. I'm waiting for small fat to come out of the toilet so that I can bathe.

I cannot disturb Tuck Zai now, otherwise he'll be even more irritated with me :( so I must self-entertain.

Dazzle had a fur-cut. I think she looks really ugly now. She looks like she's balding. What a lousy groomer. Lucky Dazzle doesn't know that she looks horrible. Otherwise I think she'll probably hide herself at home till her fur grows out nicely.

Work has been kinda boring the past few days cause there's no sales! No walk-in for me :( So I've been sitting and rotting whenever there's no customers for me to talk to/ call.

Got back my results yesterday! I totally couldn't focus at work in the morning because my heart was in my throat. But anyway my results are fine. I-got-a-B-for-Econs made me giddy and I felt so happy that I didn't really care about everything else hahaha. And I'm happy that everyone around me did fine as well! Hopefully I'll see many doctor-ex-classmates next time so that I can get free MC :D

Small fat still isn't out. I wonder what she's doing in the toilet. Let me check it out yo. Tata!

Monday, February 15, 2010

Cancer

"Just like their symbol, the Crab, Cancerians have a tough exterior that protects a soft underbelly. Such vulnerability to life- for that is how it instinctively feels to those who are born under this sign- makes Cancer the most defensive and self-protective sign of the zodiac. Cancerians live in the watery world of the emotions, instinct, gut feelings and intuition: they feel rather than think. This level of relating to the environment makes them extremely sensitive to the moods and emotional undercurrents of the world around them.

Qualities
Cancerians draw their strength and security from close emotional ties to their past, their family, their friends, their possessions and sometimes to their place of birth. Their cardinal nature does give them a certain amount of self-assurance and resourcefulness, but their particular gift is expressed in nurturing and protecting those whom they feel close.

However, if their security and well-being are threatened and they begin to feel emotionally adrift, Cancerians become intensely self-protective; like the Crab, they will quickly clam up an withdraw themselves almost completely. Even though it is their overwhelming instinct to take care of others, when they feel insecure they often revert to infantile patterns of behavior. They may need to do a great deal of work on themselves (and other people may need to acquire some compassions for their vulnerability) before they can drop their defenses and use them only when needed.

Negative
The vulnerable and sensitive nature of this Water sign means that Cancerians are emotionally dependent on relationships. But they are also a cardinal sign and are not afraid to make the first move- unless, of course, they sense that their interest won't be reciprocated. Cancerians have a terror of rejection and rarely leave themselves in a position of exposure; they will do everything they can to avoid being hurt. Because their needs are so fundamental, if these are blocked, Cancerians may get caught up in a manipulative behavior, becoming grasping and emotionally possessive from a fear of losing those they love.

Cancerians have a great neccessity to be needed and will often keep people dependent on them simply to fulfill this need. The Crab's grasping claws attest to the difficulty they experience in relinquishing anything. This can make them emotionally clinging, to the extent that they are not willing to let go even though a situation has long outlives its purpose. The Water element of their nature means that Cancer can subtly work with feelings, but this may lead them to manipulate people in order to get their own way; when threatened they will often resort to the role of martyr. Cancerians are also notorious hoarders and will rarely part with anything that has any sentimental value to them.

Positive
Cancerians love what is known and familiar, comforting and safe. They have a strong tendency to preserve the status quo, provided that it serves to protect what they most cherish. The fact that they are so defensive of loved ones is extremely comforting to the more emotional signs, but can be smothering to the more freedom-loving ones. When Cancer does have to go through a period of change, it tends to withdraw until it feels strong enough to emerge into the world again.

Cancer is the traditional sign of the family, and Cancerians need to feel a connection with their roots and a continuity with the past. We first experience emotional dependence in our relationship with our mother, and Cancerians often go through their whole lives attempting to re-create the mother/child relationship. In intimate relationships, for example, they will either need someone to mother or someone to mother them.

They are often frightened of the unknown and suspicious of change. However, once they give their hearts, their commitment is total. Their sensitive, gentle, and compassionate nature makes them natural parents and caretakers. They simply need to avoid a tendency to overprotect and have to learn to recognize when it is time to let their children grow up and fly the nest. Only when family and home are secure will Cancerians venture out into the world. Their challenge is to live more in the present and to let go of aspects of their past that they no longer need to hold on to."


You know, sometimes I wish that I'm someone else. Someone with an entirely different personality. I look at myself and I find it so depressing. Why can't I have higher EQ? Why can't I just learn to open my damn mouth to please someone? Why can't I be more people-oriented? Why can't I sit down and chat and laugh with those who mean a lot to my boyfriend? Why can't I finally step out of my comfort zone? I have no idea why is it so difficult for me to take the 1st step out. Even if I do take a step out, I move 3 steps back in.

Sometimes I wish I can be out there sitting with my boyfriend and his friends or family wherever it is, talking and laughing about whatever it is. But I know that I'd be uncomfortable, and that I'd say no even before he asks. Really, I should just hide in my own little home.

Come to think of it, maybe it's just because I've got an inferiority complex

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I've renamed my rabbit to Rara because Dyane said that I shouldn't name him Rabbity jr otherwise he'll always be living in the shadow of Rabbity.

Anyway, I'm just so glad that I have him with me now. My new little companion. I think he's all that I need right now. I don't really feel like talking. Bye

Monday, February 08, 2010

Rabbity jr.



Say hi to Rabbity jr! Isn't he/ she (Uh, still too young to determine it's gender. Its sex organs aren't fully developed yet, I think! So imagine how tiny it is!! But to make life easier for me, I'll just assume that it's a he. Cause Rabbit was a he) just adorable?? He's my Valentine's Day gift from my boyfriend :D

I just spent another $80 buying vitamins and hay and shampoo and whatsoever for him this afternoon :( heart pain. But it's worth it cause he's gonna be my little baby. It finally feels like I have a pet and I'm responsible for whatever happens to him cause now I'm the only one who'll be taking care of him. Whereas Glitter and Dazzle is "taken care" of by my mum and we only need to play with them to keep them happy. You get what I mean? It's like I gotta pay for Rabbity jr's everything and make sure he's living happily. So if I have $$$ he'll get pampered and if I'm broke he'll have to suffer with me hehe.

Anyway I'm still thinking if I should get another one to accompany Rabbity jr. Everyone's telling me that he'll be very very lonely :( but if I get another one then it'll be twice the "burden" and I'll have to split my attention! How?!?!?!

Saturday, February 06, 2010

Hi

I secretly want:
1) Rabbity jr
2) my boyfriend to drive me around more than he drives his friends around
3) the Paul Frank phone
4) more morning shifts/ time to spend with my boyfriend
5) a better paying job
6) less disappointments/ false hopes

Honestly I've had enough of all these shit. STOP.GIVING.ME.FALSE.HOPE. Just say no right at the start!! I don't understand why the entire world's doing this to me. I don't like to live by clinging on to all these crap people are giving me. It's like one moment I'm on the top of the world and the next I might as well be 6 feet under.

Happiness comes from happenings that happen to happen the way we want it to happen

And I wanna be happy.

Bye

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Here's a photo of X eating, as promised :)

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

I figured one thing about men. They can't sense tone

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Okay, quick one.

Tuck Zai passed his driving test yesterday and he came to drive me home from work. So steady. My Tuck Zai is a big boy now.

Okay I'm really tired now. Thank god I'm working afternoon shift tomorrow. Gonna start piecing up my D&D outfit soon.

Wildwildwet this Saturday cause I gotta accompany my little brother who cheated my feelings yesterday and so I smacked his buttocks just now. He made Tuck Zai drive all the way to the airport cause he told us the wrong road. Naughty boy.

Ugh can it start raining $$$ soon?

Friday, January 22, 2010

Hello bloggy, I didn't mean to abandon you but I've been working almost every day of the week (damn it) and I don't even have enough time for myself ugh suddenly school doesn't seem as tiring as this. You know, the grass is always greener on the other side.

My boyfriend is an owner now. He bought WXYZ (2 terrapins and 2 crabs) on Wednesday and I became the legal guardian of Y and Z yoyo. I have yet to see my little crabbies eat. Apparently they are super cute when they eat cause they really use their kiap kiap to kiap the food. Show you the pictures next time (and I believe these pictures will never appear hahaha)

Uhm, you know, I haven't been updating for such a long time that I can't remember what's there to update. I wonder what's my Tuck Zai doing now. I've got WXYZ to keep an eye on him just to make sure he knows he's being watched while he does his work so that he doesn't slack but then again he's a lot more hardworking than me so if I can get myself seated to do my sacred papers then I believe he can do so too but anyway I'll still check on him and I think it's quite fun to type without punctuation is it fun to read like that? Hahahaha when I read my previous sentence again I can imagine myself getting out of breath while saying that whole long string of words and you know I'm not really thinking as I'm typing cause everything just seems to flow nicely and my fingers seem to be moving automatically because my brain tells them to. Actually I think I'm just too tired please stop reading now.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

1) Watched Avatar with Tuck Zai just now. Awesome movie! I loved it although I did have doubts when the movie just came out.

2) Steamboat with Dyane and Dyanna tomorrow! Finally.

3) First sales on Monday. Did a total of $2880 :D

4) New year resolution: Wear heels more often

5) Sleep more. And I'm gonna sleep now

Thursday, January 07, 2010

妈妈,你回来了

I've been back since Monday, but I've been busy and lazy. You know, I just got back and I'm dying to go to Bangkok again. There are... a lot of photos. You can go to boyfriend's blog to see some :D

Anyway, I came back and realised that Dazzle went through her 2nd stage of puberty while I was gone. I highly doubt that it's her fur that is making her look twice as fat because she weighs 8kg now. 8kg!!!!!

I'll be going back to work on Saturday and Tuck Zai will be going back to school on Monday and that means we'll have a lot less time for each other :( I want to stay in Bangkok. Like you know, I want time to freeze.

I gotta go upload the photos now. Yippeeedoodledoo