Friday, October 22, 2010

Veron?? Omg I need to stop myself from thinking so much. Gotta remember Shimin's Tarot card readings...

Anyway today Tuck Zai seems quite down and I couldn't really do much to help. Makes me feel like a lousy girlfriend :( I hope tomorrow will be better for him!

Friday, October 15, 2010

2.30 am and I've got SN1101E mid terms tomorrow. Tired, but not exactly in the mood to sleep. Times like this make me wanna hide and cry myself to sleep. I know I've made a mistake and it has been haunting me, even at this very moment.

Once again, we're back on the same topic. But I don't know... I feel like Tuck Zai's hiding things from me too. The girl who offered him sex (or the secret he promised to keep), the things Jane talked to him about which he mentioned briefly but didn't wanna elaborate, the "friend" who told him that Earnest was from AJ...

Makes me sick to even think about how our relationship will fall apart eventually because of what I've done wrong, which made him wanna keep certain things to himself. I don't know how we're ever going to get through this.

But at times like this, I figured it'd be better to keep things to myself. Otherwise, we'll get into a heated debate again. And ultimately, I'll be the one trying to explain myself and "pushing the blame to him". I think I'm starting to learn how to get my emotions under control and not to let my feelings get the better of me. Doing good Sze Wan! Keep it up! I just hope that things won't snowball.

Oh, Tuck Zai thought that I was hiding something from him cause of the "common friend" who knew him and Earnest. That thought never even crossed my mind. Hahaha alright, I think this is getting a little too much for me to handle now. Gonna sleep it away

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

It's getting more and more tiring putting my thoughts into words. Sometimes I just feel like scribbling random notes instead of writing a nice long essay about how I feel. It's time for a diary, really.

In short, I just feel very... back-to-square-one now. Just when I thought our love was strong all over again. I suppose you can't really undo something you've done to hurt someone. And this will just come back to haunt you.

I tried