Cancer

"Just like their symbol, the Crab, Cancerians have a tough exterior that protects a soft underbelly. Such vulnerability to life- for that is how it instinctively feels to those who are born under this sign- makes Cancer the most defensive and self-protective sign of the zodiac. Cancerians live in the watery world of the emotions, instinct, gut feelings and intuition: they feel rather than think. This level of relating to the environment makes them extremely sensitive to the moods and emotional undercurrents of the world around them.

Qualities
Cancerians draw their strength and security from close emotional ties to their past, their family, their friends, their possessions and sometimes to their place of birth. Their cardinal nature does give them a certain amount of self-assurance and resourcefulness, but their particular gift is expressed in nurturing and protecting those whom they feel close.

However, if their security and well-being are threatened and they begin to feel emotionally adrift, Cancerians become intensely self-protective; like the Crab, they will quickly clam up an withdraw themselves almost completely. Even though it is their overwhelming instinct to take care of others, when they feel insecure they often revert to infantile patterns of behavior. They may need to do a great deal of work on themselves (and other people may need to acquire some compassions for their vulnerability) before they can drop their defenses and use them only when needed.

Negative
The vulnerable and sensitive nature of this Water sign means that Cancerians are emotionally dependent on relationships. But they are also a cardinal sign and are not afraid to make the first move- unless, of course, they sense that their interest won't be reciprocated. Cancerians have a terror of rejection and rarely leave themselves in a position of exposure; they will do everything they can to avoid being hurt. Because their needs are so fundamental, if these are blocked, Cancerians may get caught up in a manipulative behavior, becoming grasping and emotionally possessive from a fear of losing those they love.

Cancerians have a great neccessity to be needed and will often keep people dependent on them simply to fulfill this need. The Crab's grasping claws attest to the difficulty they experience in relinquishing anything. This can make them emotionally clinging, to the extent that they are not willing to let go even though a situation has long outlives its purpose. The Water element of their nature means that Cancer can subtly work with feelings, but this may lead them to manipulate people in order to get their own way; when threatened they will often resort to the role of martyr. Cancerians are also notorious hoarders and will rarely part with anything that has any sentimental value to them.

Positive
Cancerians love what is known and familiar, comforting and safe. They have a strong tendency to preserve the status quo, provided that it serves to protect what they most cherish. The fact that they are so defensive of loved ones is extremely comforting to the more emotional signs, but can be smothering to the more freedom-loving ones. When Cancer does have to go through a period of change, it tends to withdraw until it feels strong enough to emerge into the world again.

Cancer is the traditional sign of the family, and Cancerians need to feel a connection with their roots and a continuity with the past. We first experience emotional dependence in our relationship with our mother, and Cancerians often go through their whole lives attempting to re-create the mother/child relationship. In intimate relationships, for example, they will either need someone to mother or someone to mother them.

They are often frightened of the unknown and suspicious of change. However, once they give their hearts, their commitment is total. Their sensitive, gentle, and compassionate nature makes them natural parents and caretakers. They simply need to avoid a tendency to overprotect and have to learn to recognize when it is time to let their children grow up and fly the nest. Only when family and home are secure will Cancerians venture out into the world. Their challenge is to live more in the present and to let go of aspects of their past that they no longer need to hold on to."


You know, sometimes I wish that I'm someone else. Someone with an entirely different personality. I look at myself and I find it so depressing. Why can't I have higher EQ? Why can't I just learn to open my damn mouth to please someone? Why can't I be more people-oriented? Why can't I sit down and chat and laugh with those who mean a lot to my boyfriend? Why can't I finally step out of my comfort zone? I have no idea why is it so difficult for me to take the 1st step out. Even if I do take a step out, I move 3 steps back in.

Sometimes I wish I can be out there sitting with my boyfriend and his friends or family wherever it is, talking and laughing about whatever it is. But I know that I'd be uncomfortable, and that I'd say no even before he asks. Really, I should just hide in my own little home.

Come to think of it, maybe it's just because I've got an inferiority complex

I've renamed my rabbit to Rara because Dyane said that I shouldn't name him Rabbity jr otherwise he'll always be living in the shadow of Rabbity.

Anyway, I'm just so glad that I have him with me now. My new little companion. I think he's all that I need right now. I don't really feel like talking. Bye

Rabbity jr.

Say hi to Rabbity jr! Isn't he/ she (Uh, still too young to determine it's gender. Its sex organs aren't fully developed yet, I think! So imagine how tiny it is!! But to make life easier for me, I'll just assume that it's a he. Cause Rabbit was a he) just adorable?? He's my Valentine's Day gift from my boyfriend :D

I just spent another $80 buying vitamins and hay and shampoo and whatsoever for him this afternoon :( heart pain. But it's worth it cause he's gonna be my little baby. It finally feels like I have a pet and I'm responsible for whatever happens to him cause now I'm the only one who'll be taking care of him. Whereas Glitter and Dazzle is "taken care" of by my mum and we only need to play with them to keep them happy. You get what I mean? It's like I gotta pay for Rabbity jr's everything and make sure he's living happily. So if I have $$$ he'll get pampered and if I'm broke he'll have to suffer with me hehe.

Anyway I'm still thinking if I should get another one to accompany Rabbity jr. Everyone's telling me that he'll be very very lonely :( but if I get another one then it'll be twice the "burden" and I'll have to split my attention! How?!?!?!

Hi

I secretly want:
1) Rabbity jr
2) my boyfriend to drive me around more than he drives his friends around
3) the Paul Frank phone
4) more morning shifts/ time to spend with my boyfriend
5) a better paying job
6) less disappointments/ false hopes

Honestly I've had enough of all these shit. STOP.GIVING.ME.FALSE.HOPE. Just say no right at the start!! I don't understand why the entire world's doing this to me. I don't like to live by clinging on to all these crap people are giving me. It's like one moment I'm on the top of the world and the next I might as well be 6 feet under.

Happiness comes from happenings that happen to happen the way we want it to happen

And I wanna be happy.

Bye

Here's a photo of X eating, as promised :)

I figured one thing about men. They can't sense tone