HI BYE FLY :D

camp was disastrous and thank god im home. only gd things was davin's mattress and that midnight talk with stead on that HAHA very-comfortable-as-compared-to-wht-others-are-slping-on mattress.

i feel so disappointed, and well, disgusted with myself. that scene kept playing over and over in my mind and it jus doesnt seem to go away. for once, i wished my memories will be washed off and then i'll forget evrything i ever did in the past few days. i hate myself and i feel so cheap

then after the talk with stead last night, i tossed and turned on the "bed" for an hr and yea, thought abt a lot of things. im sorry stead if im gna disappoint you but no, i dont plan to do anything. im seriously not in the mood for anything right now and i jus wished i'd disappear. i knw you might think im stupid or crazy or dumb but i really really think i shld lock myself up and stay away from the world. or maybe i shld go be a nun and reflect on what a total bitch i've been.

and even as im typing now im still thinking of how disgusted i feel abt myself. i seriously feel like throwing out all those details like how i throw up my food. i feel like, fuck, i dontknw.

but whatever it is, thankyou stead for being thr and coming to my hse today to uhm, slp with me, LOL and watch huan zhu ge ge. i hope mr-nice-guy will haha, stop being so nice in future

alright, i shall go and forget abt that fucking scene that makes me so disgusted with myself. wish me luckkkkkk otherwise i might go arnd killing ppl since i dont wna consider committing suicide