Friday, November 19, 2010
Too much has happened the last week. I don't know what my relationship with Tuck Zai is now. We aren't exactly talking like how we used to, but I know we still feel something for each other. I feel so confused I don't really know what to do hahahaha. I've been trying so hard to sort me feelings out; to ask myself if Tuck Zai is The One. But I suppose the prospect of living my life the way I want as a 19 year old is too tempting. Then again, the grass is always greener on the other side.
I feel like shutting myself out from the world now. I think I've screwed up too badly this time round. What with melt and all. I can see that my relationship with Tuck Zai is no longer heading the direction that we've always wanted it to, but I'm not even trying to do anything about it. So is this where this ends?
I feel like shutting myself out from the world now. I think I've screwed up too badly this time round. What with melt and all. I can see that my relationship with Tuck Zai is no longer heading the direction that we've always wanted it to, but I'm not even trying to do anything about it. So is this where this ends?
Friday, October 22, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
2.30 am and I've got SN1101E mid terms tomorrow. Tired, but not exactly in the mood to sleep. Times like this make me wanna hide and cry myself to sleep. I know I've made a mistake and it has been haunting me, even at this very moment.
Once again, we're back on the same topic. But I don't know... I feel like Tuck Zai's hiding things from me too. The girl who offered him sex (or the secret he promised to keep), the things Jane talked to him about which he mentioned briefly but didn't wanna elaborate, the "friend" who told him that Earnest was from AJ...
Makes me sick to even think about how our relationship will fall apart eventually because of what I've done wrong, which made him wanna keep certain things to himself. I don't know how we're ever going to get through this.
But at times like this, I figured it'd be better to keep things to myself. Otherwise, we'll get into a heated debate again. And ultimately, I'll be the one trying to explain myself and "pushing the blame to him". I think I'm starting to learn how to get my emotions under control and not to let my feelings get the better of me. Doing good Sze Wan! Keep it up! I just hope that things won't snowball.
Oh, Tuck Zai thought that I was hiding something from him cause of the "common friend" who knew him and Earnest. That thought never even crossed my mind. Hahaha alright, I think this is getting a little too much for me to handle now. Gonna sleep it away
Once again, we're back on the same topic. But I don't know... I feel like Tuck Zai's hiding things from me too. The girl who offered him sex (or the secret he promised to keep), the things Jane talked to him about which he mentioned briefly but didn't wanna elaborate, the "friend" who told him that Earnest was from AJ...
Makes me sick to even think about how our relationship will fall apart eventually because of what I've done wrong, which made him wanna keep certain things to himself. I don't know how we're ever going to get through this.
But at times like this, I figured it'd be better to keep things to myself. Otherwise, we'll get into a heated debate again. And ultimately, I'll be the one trying to explain myself and "pushing the blame to him". I think I'm starting to learn how to get my emotions under control and not to let my feelings get the better of me. Doing good Sze Wan! Keep it up! I just hope that things won't snowball.
Oh, Tuck Zai thought that I was hiding something from him cause of the "common friend" who knew him and Earnest. That thought never even crossed my mind. Hahaha alright, I think this is getting a little too much for me to handle now. Gonna sleep it away
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
It's getting more and more tiring putting my thoughts into words. Sometimes I just feel like scribbling random notes instead of writing a nice long essay about how I feel. It's time for a diary, really.
In short, I just feel very... back-to-square-one now. Just when I thought our love was strong all over again. I suppose you can't really undo something you've done to hurt someone. And this will just come back to haunt you.
I tried
In short, I just feel very... back-to-square-one now. Just when I thought our love was strong all over again. I suppose you can't really undo something you've done to hurt someone. And this will just come back to haunt you.
I tried
Monday, September 13, 2010
Hi! I've been hell shit crap crazily busy over bash/ D&D for the past month. And because of that I think I've neglected a few things, Tuck Zai being top of the list. I'm just glad everything's over now and everything's fine and I hadn't made any stupid mistakes.
Anyway, I've been having way too much supper the past few days. Gotta stop munching on my snacks too! I think I've got too much food in my room.
D&D outing soon :DDDD BBQ at east coast! Sounds good eh? But no pork no beef so we're left with chicken hahahaha. Yay I totally wanna join D&D comm next year!!
Alright, I gotta go batheeeeee. And start mugging woohooo. Hahahaha okidokie Tuck Zai I love you byebye
Anyway, I've been having way too much supper the past few days. Gotta stop munching on my snacks too! I think I've got too much food in my room.
D&D outing soon :DDDD BBQ at east coast! Sounds good eh? But no pork no beef so we're left with chicken hahahaha. Yay I totally wanna join D&D comm next year!!
Alright, I gotta go batheeeeee. And start mugging woohooo. Hahahaha okidokie Tuck Zai I love you byebye
Thursday, September 02, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Finally, a break from all these thinking and talking (about the same old thing over and over again). I think all the talks are the reason why I'm so afraid of starting a conversation, to the extent that I've wanted to stop talking to you altogether. I feel kinda lost now. But I know things will fall back into place eventually. I've got no regrets
