I'm back!

Did very stupid things today, ugh.

Swore never to text/ contact him again but I did. Someone slap me please. K now I really promise myself that that's the last. I'm never gonna do it again.

Anyway, dinner with the No Goodbyes dancers was good :) 7 of us managed to squeeze into Chong Guang's little Honda Civic hehehe. Photos will be up on Facebook soon!

Suddenly craving for BBQ-ed chicken wings sialxzxzzzz. Wanna go 85! Haven't been there for ages. Shall bring mummy there when I get my car! And yupppppp I'm gonna go car hunting again soon. Hoping and praying hard that I'll see one that I likeeeeee.

Meanwhile, I'm gonna mug. No sleep for me tonight cause I've been a lazy girl the whole of last night and this afternoon zzz

Been having a lot of dreams recently.

2 quotes that I read and would like to share:

"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it'd be easy; they just promised it'd be worth it."

“If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one. Because if you truly loved the first one, you wouldn’t love another. There are four questions of value in life… What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love.”

I need to be strongerrrrrrrr.

Wake up dear, don't believe in this shit anymore. You know you're stronger than this.

And one day, I'll make you regret everything that you've said to me today

I don't believe in fairytales. Anymore.

It's about time I realise that this time round, there's no turning back

Lost a friend. Again.

3 years back, when I lost a friend, that was what brought the 2 of us together. And now I've lost you

We were never meant to be

This has been dragging on for way too long.

I.NEED.TO.MAKE.A.DECISION.

Zzz nice one Yip Sze Wan. I thought you just made a decision a few days back. And again a few days before the few days. And another a few days before the few days before the few days.

Lost all motivation to blog, hahaha. I need some help from the gods. We're going to baibai soon, mummy says I can go there to get divination lots. What a good idea

Never quite understood what people meant by "It's Complicated" or "In an Open Relationship". How complicated can complicated be? It's just a relationship. You're either together, or you're not. And how can anyone be in an open relationship? What does it mean by open anyway? But now I do. Now I understand fully. Cause I think I'm both

"Too much happiness, too much pleasure. You get sick of it, and then you lose yourself"

Was watching Eat Pray Love on the plane just now, and I realised that there's so much in common between me and the female lead. It's very much, well... my movie. I think I'm losing myself

Fuck, oh fuck

Too much has happened the last week. I don't know what my relationship with Tuck Zai is now. We aren't exactly talking like how we used to, but I know we still feel something for each other. I feel so confused I don't really know what to do hahahaha. I've been trying so hard to sort me feelings out; to ask myself if Tuck Zai is The One. But I suppose the prospect of living my life the way I want as a 19 year old is too tempting. Then again, the grass is always greener on the other side.

I feel like shutting myself out from the world now. I think I've screwed up too badly this time round. What with melt and all. I can see that my relationship with Tuck Zai is no longer heading the direction that we've always wanted it to, but I'm not even trying to do anything about it. So is this where this ends?

Veron?? Omg I need to stop myself from thinking so much. Gotta remember Shimin's Tarot card readings...

Anyway today Tuck Zai seems quite down and I couldn't really do much to help. Makes me feel like a lousy girlfriend :( I hope tomorrow will be better for him!

2.30 am and I've got SN1101E mid terms tomorrow. Tired, but not exactly in the mood to sleep. Times like this make me wanna hide and cry myself to sleep. I know I've made a mistake and it has been haunting me, even at this very moment.

Once again, we're back on the same topic. But I don't know... I feel like Tuck Zai's hiding things from me too. The girl who offered him sex (or the secret he promised to keep), the things Jane talked to him about which he mentioned briefly but didn't wanna elaborate, the "friend" who told him that Earnest was from AJ...

Makes me sick to even think about how our relationship will fall apart eventually because of what I've done wrong, which made him wanna keep certain things to himself. I don't know how we're ever going to get through this.

But at times like this, I figured it'd be better to keep things to myself. Otherwise, we'll get into a heated debate again. And ultimately, I'll be the one trying to explain myself and "pushing the blame to him". I think I'm starting to learn how to get my emotions under control and not to let my feelings get the better of me. Doing good Sze Wan! Keep it up! I just hope that things won't snowball.

Oh, Tuck Zai thought that I was hiding something from him cause of the "common friend" who knew him and Earnest. That thought never even crossed my mind. Hahaha alright, I think this is getting a little too much for me to handle now. Gonna sleep it away

It's getting more and more tiring putting my thoughts into words. Sometimes I just feel like scribbling random notes instead of writing a nice long essay about how I feel. It's time for a diary, really.

In short, I just feel very... back-to-square-one now. Just when I thought our love was strong all over again. I suppose you can't really undo something you've done to hurt someone. And this will just come back to haunt you.

I tried

I gotta start keeping a diary. I've got too much kept inside

Hi! I've been hell shit crap crazily busy over bash/ D&D for the past month. And because of that I think I've neglected a few things, Tuck Zai being top of the list. I'm just glad everything's over now and everything's fine and I hadn't made any stupid mistakes.

Anyway, I've been having way too much supper the past few days. Gotta stop munching on my snacks too! I think I've got too much food in my room.

D&D outing soon :DDDD BBQ at east coast! Sounds good eh? But no pork no beef so we're left with chicken hahahaha. Yay I totally wanna join D&D comm next year!!

Alright, I gotta go batheeeeee. And start mugging woohooo. Hahahaha okidokie Tuck Zai I love you byebye

I should have accepted the fact that we belong to different worlds right at the start

Goodnight, world.